


How much longer will i have to wait?

by TooManyFanFics



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow series - Gemma T. Leslie
Genre: Friendship/Love, Heartache, M/M, POV First Person, Pain, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-04
Updated: 2015-11-04
Packaged: 2018-04-30 00:22:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5143451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooManyFanFics/pseuds/TooManyFanFics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Baz is falling harder than he ever thought possible to fall and all the while Simon is nursing a bitter break up with Agatha. Baz doesnt think he can hold back for much longer, and the dreams arent helping....</p>
<p>(Set before Carry On, i should be updating about twice a week)</p>
            </blockquote>





	How much longer will i have to wait?

BAZ

Ive wanted this since the day i met him. needed it goddamit. I’ve waited for this for so long. so many times I’ve nearly given in and so many times I’ve had to fight back the fire inside of me. how can it be that the one person who brought me the most pain could also be the one to take it all away.

And to think, HE kissed ME.

I feel his warm mouth on mine. His hands run up my spine leaving a trail of fire and it burns me from the inside out. I'm flammable and snow is my flame. We’re fire and ice and we’re perfect.

He’s on top of me kissing me like a fucking menace (god knows how much practice he’s had)(all i can say is that it’s clearly paid off because, WOW) and i try my hardest to win and not to give in and let out the whimper thats been rising in my throat since he came and sat on my lap but when he starts unbuttoning my shirt and kissing down my cool, grey collarbones, i give way and i lose (i always seem to be losing when it comes to him).

I can feel his desire, his need and it only intensifies my own. How can it not? i’ve kept these bottled up inside of me for seven years! He throws off my shirt and tears his open and then rolls his hips so his pelvis grazes mine. i throw my head back in pleasure but this only makes him grin (great thumping idiot). He pulls down my jeans bit by bit, he slides my boxers down and teases me with his mouth. He knows this drives me absolutely bat shit crazy and yet it feels good (so good) that i feel myself start to slip away under his influence.

Suddenly everything changes. our passion is bluring at the edges and I’m being drawn back to reality. i try as hard as i can to grab onto the dream but i watch it slip through my fingers, just as it has every time before.

I wake abrubtly but it isn’t a surprise. This isn’t the first time I’ve dreamt about him (every night that isn’t filled with terrifying nightmares is filled with his ridiculous blue eyes and bronze curls) in a way my dreams of snow are worse than my nightmares. When i wake from a nightmare I’m shaking, crying hot, silent, angry tears and i feel so full. so full of hate and fear. then i just look over at snow. i look at his stupid tawny skin and his stupid bronze curls. if I’m lucky (not really sure lucky is the right word) then he’s facing me and looking at him, thats all it takes to steady me, to remind me I’m okay. When i wake up from one of these dreams i feel empty. they remind me its never going to happen (get a grip for Crowley’s sake.) i stare at the ceiling of our room and remember how it felt with his warm body pressed up against my much colder one. I dont know why it hit me this hard because the dreams never usually make me feel, make me feel, this…..alive. they’ve never been so realistic, I’ve never been able to taste him, to smell him. I’ve never been able to breathe him in before. its stuck in my mind on replay and as i relieve it, knowing its just a stupid fantasy, that it won’t happen in a million years i hide my face in my pillow and try not to cry, i try so hard not to cry but its no use. the tears slip out. its never been this bad. the dream has never, ever felt so real. No matter how good it feels when I’m there kissing him, pleasuring him Goddamit, it always feels a hundred times worse on the way back, like a hangover really. i can hear him breathing and string in his sleep. Merlin and Morgana why does he have to be so damned perfect? He’s simon snow, the golden, chosen one, the mage’s heir for crowley’s sake and what am i? a weak, pathetic monster who’s helplessly, hopelessly and deeply in love with him. 


End file.
